Things no one ever bothered to tell you but I will...

In Texas we have tree roaches, huge tree roaches.
These things are seriously big, as in this roach got hit by gamma radiation, ate every other roach in sight for protein bulking and now crawls all over in search of...well... something a tree roach wants.

What no one ever tells you is this. Nothing works on killing these things, raid spray them, stomp them, smack them, get into fisticuffs with them, they will win. They. Always. Win.
I found I have a very effective and incredibly disgusting secret weapon though. To the kitten these things are walking moving VR toys. But, that means at odd moments I come across the remains. Yes. Remains. Half bodies with legs, never any heads, placed just so that I can spot them right before stepping down for maximum freak out effect.

Which leads to the another thing no one ever tells you.

We amuse cats, they laugh at us and disguise it as a purr. It's not, that is restrained giggles or guffaws, haven't figured out which.

Staring contests with a cat can be won be simply letting dust enter into the mix, they can't resist, it might be prey.

Also, cats are not licking you to show affection and warm fuzzy cat love, it's tenderization for when the zombies come and they can finally eat a decent meal.

Another thing no one ever tells you, though I do think they love to see it happen and are grinning inside when it happens, chocolates with trendy flavors like Lavender simply taste like hand lotion with chocolate. This is a sad thing. Nothing should destroy the beauty and joy that is chocolate.

Zombie's are not a good excuse to put off paying your bills. Nor is the fact that you just spent three days trying to figure out the controls for X Box Resident Evil.

Teh Interwebs will still be here when you wake up, 3 am feedings are not necessary.

I know I will think of more later on...

Which brings me to the last one for now.
Teenagers will think they are Hannah Montana at 11 at night and keep you awake by belting out in song, threaten the cell phone, it makes it go away quickly.