In Texas we have tree roaches, huge tree roaches.
These things are seriously big, as in this roach got hit by gamma radiation, ate every other roach in sight for protein bulking and now crawls all over in search of...well... something a tree roach wants.
What no one ever tells you is this. Nothing works on killing these things, raid spray them, stomp them, smack them, get into fisticuffs with them, they will win. They. Always. Win.
I found I have a very effective and incredibly disgusting secret weapon though. To the kitten these things are walking moving VR toys. But, that means at odd moments I come across the remains. Yes. Remains. Half bodies with legs, never any heads, placed just so that I can spot them right before stepping down for maximum freak out effect.
Which leads to the another thing no one ever tells you.
We amuse cats, they laugh at us and disguise it as a purr. It's not, that is restrained giggles or guffaws, haven't figured out which.
Staring contests with a cat can be won be simply letting dust enter into the mix, they can't resist, it might be prey.
Also, cats are not licking you to show affection and warm fuzzy cat love, it's tenderization for when the zombies come and they can finally eat a decent meal.
Another thing no one ever tells you, though I do think they love to see it happen and are grinning inside when it happens, chocolates with trendy flavors like Lavender simply taste like hand lotion with chocolate. This is a sad thing. Nothing should destroy the beauty and joy that is chocolate.
Zombie's are not a good excuse to put off paying your bills. Nor is the fact that you just spent three days trying to figure out the controls for X Box Resident Evil.
Teh Interwebs will still be here when you wake up, 3 am feedings are not necessary.
I know I will think of more later on...
Which brings me to the last one for now.
Teenagers will think they are Hannah Montana at 11 at night and keep you awake by belting out in song, threaten the cell phone, it makes it go away quickly.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
This...
Well this is how my mind works...
One morning I get up and have coffee and go, "Oh right, challenging myself, herm yeah, think of something interesting quirky, funny, odd or just *anything* to blog about"
(Now picture someone trying to drink coffee with that scrunched up hard thinkin' going on here face.)
"Nothing's happening, shouldn't I be getting ideas? Well, darn, more coffee it is then!"
Wander off for coffee, note dishes need done, do dishes, realize we need food, food means fridge, clean out fridge, get distracted, watch netflix, go fetch food, work on crochet and BAM!
Days go by.
Repeat the above until two weeks happen to pass.
Repeat again after blotting something down just to make yourself feel accomplished. *ahem*
Rationalize the past two weeks as all the things you DID get done, kids stuff, dental appts, referee-ing (gah, is that even a word? What is the verb form of referee? Reffereering? Reffering? Oh the heck with it.) teens in the ultimate battle of who used what, where, why and how it was *awful for them to do so, playing taxi, working, cleaning the hou...well, never mind that particular one. *coughs* Let's move on.
Normally, I am witty and punny and funny and amusing and usually all by the end of the day!
Until I have to sit and think of funny, then funny leaves for vacation and doesn't tell me it went to Borneo with no cell available.
Witty hides in the closet like a strangely morphed sad looking dwarf that peeks out every so often to sigh and shake its head.
Punny gets bogged down in a word puzzle somewhere or involved in textual relations with a stranger.
Amusing is just what other people view me as. (Hi other people! See, I have now officially mentioned ALL of you in one swift blow!)
So the challenge went whoops so far, back on the horse I go to ride this for another week and see if I can get it together a bit. Hopefully funny isn't allergic to horses...or housecleaning.
Well this is how my mind works...
One morning I get up and have coffee and go, "Oh right, challenging myself, herm yeah, think of something interesting quirky, funny, odd or just *anything* to blog about"
(Now picture someone trying to drink coffee with that scrunched up hard thinkin' going on here face.)
"Nothing's happening, shouldn't I be getting ideas? Well, darn, more coffee it is then!"
Wander off for coffee, note dishes need done, do dishes, realize we need food, food means fridge, clean out fridge, get distracted, watch netflix, go fetch food, work on crochet and BAM!
Days go by.
Repeat the above until two weeks happen to pass.
Repeat again after blotting something down just to make yourself feel accomplished. *ahem*
Rationalize the past two weeks as all the things you DID get done, kids stuff, dental appts, referee-ing (gah, is that even a word? What is the verb form of referee? Reffereering? Reffering? Oh the heck with it.) teens in the ultimate battle of who used what, where, why and how it was *awful for them to do so, playing taxi, working, cleaning the hou...well, never mind that particular one. *coughs* Let's move on.
Normally, I am witty and punny and funny and amusing and usually all by the end of the day!
Until I have to sit and think of funny, then funny leaves for vacation and doesn't tell me it went to Borneo with no cell available.
Witty hides in the closet like a strangely morphed sad looking dwarf that peeks out every so often to sigh and shake its head.
Punny gets bogged down in a word puzzle somewhere or involved in textual relations with a stranger.
Amusing is just what other people view me as. (Hi other people! See, I have now officially mentioned ALL of you in one swift blow!)
So the challenge went whoops so far, back on the horse I go to ride this for another week and see if I can get it together a bit. Hopefully funny isn't allergic to horses...or housecleaning.
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